Chapter 51

“Hey, Dad, can you drive me in like a half hour,” Steph called from the hallway before she went in Jon’s room. “Dad, not really what I needed to see,” she said looking at Jon and Melissa still fast asleep in bed.

Jon woke with a start and looked at his daughter through groggy eyes. “What’s the matter Steph?”

“Sorry, you left the door open, I thought you were awake,” she said keeping her eyes focused on the wall in front of her.

“It’s ok, what do you need,” he asked.

“Can you drive me in like a half hour or should I get a ride,” she asked again.

“Where am I driving you?”

“To Uncle Matt and Aunt Deisree’s, don’t you remember? You said you could drive me,” she said.

“What are you doing over there?”

“Dad,” she said with a hint of an attitude.

“I’m half asleep Steph, humor me,” he said sitting and wiping the sleep from his eyes. “Come over here, I don’t want you to wake her up.”

Steph walked over to him with her arms crossed. “I told Aunt Desiree I could watch Bella for the afternoon so her and Uncle Matt could go to lunch together and get some last minute shopping done.”

“Was that your idea or hers,” Jon asked.

“It was a collaborative effort. But I need to be there in like 25 minutes so we have to leave soon. Aunt Desiree said she could send Uncle Matt to pick me up if you couldn’t drive me, should I call her,” she asked.

“Do you mind if Matt gets you? I forgot all about it sweetheart, I’m sorry,” Jon asked knowing he had a lot he needed to take care of while she was gone.

“No it’s fine, I’ll go call her. I’ll say goodbye before I leave. I can’t wait until I can drive,” she said leaving.

“You’ve got another 15 years before you can do that,” he said smiling.

“Oh, Dad, you can be so dramatic. I get my permit in like seven months,” she said.

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that. You can tell Matt I can pick you up later or he can drop you off when he comes over,” Jon said.

“He’s coming over,” she asked.

“Giants are on at 8,” he answered.

“Is Jesse coming over too,” she asked.

“Not that I know of,” he said.

“Oh, ok good,” she said walking towards the door.

“I love you, Steph.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

“Hey, Steph, can you do me a favor,” he asked.

“Sure.”

“Can you shut the door so Richie doesn’t follow you in,” Jon asked.

“Bye, Dad,” she said shutting the door securely.

Jon sat and watched Melissa while she slept; even in her sleep she looked exhausted. After a few minutes he noticed her breathing become short and ragged and she started to whimper in her sleep. Jon rubbed her arm gently hoping to wake her and called her name softly. She awoke with a jump and her eyes flew open as she gasped for breath. She sat up trying to catch her breath and flinched when Jon put his hand on her back.

“I’m sorry, I forgot where I was,” she said.

“Are you ok,” he asked.

“Fine,” she said quickly.

“Please don’t do that to me,” he said.

“What are you talking about,” she asked.

“Don’t shut me out, just talk to me. Let me know what you’re thinking,” he said.

“How can you say that I’m shutting you out? After everything, how could you think that,” she asked as she fought back tears.

Before Jon could answer there was a knock at the door. “Damn it, Richie, the fucking door’s shut for a reason,” he yelled.

“Its me, Dad,” Steph answered.

“Sorry, Steph, what’s up,” he asked as Melissa walked with deliberate steps to the bathroom shutting the door behind her.

“Uncle Matt’s here, so I’m leaving,” she said.

“Ok, I’ll talk to you later, Steph,” he answered.

“Bye, Dad,” she said.

Jon took a minute to control the famous Bongiovi temper before he knocked on the bathroom door. “Melissa?”

She opened the door about a foot so she could see him but made no effort to allow him in. “What, Jon?”

“We need to talk, but can we go downstairs and get some coffee before we do or say something one of us is going to regret,” he asked.

“I’ll be down in a couple of minutes,” she said closing the door quietly.

Jon walked downstairs to the kitchen where he was grateful to see a pot of coffee already made. Richie left a note next to the pot. Morning Sleepyheads. I’m going out to do some work in the studio, you probably won’t see me for a while. Left you some coffee I thought you could use it. Steph told me she’s going over to Matt’s; use the time to talk to each other. I’m not letting either of you outta the house until you do. –Richie

Jon poured two mugs of coffee as he read Richie’s note. Thank God for Richie, he thought. He grabbed the nearby phone and dialed his brother’s number as he waited for Melissa.

“Hey, Jon. So nice of you to wake up this morning,” Matt said.

“Are you still with Steph,” Jon asked.

“No why? Me and Des are just leaving now,” Matt answered.

“Was she ok? I mean did she say anything to you in the car,” Jon asked.

“She seemed fine, is everything ok,” Matt asked.

“Yeah it’s fine. It’s been a crazy couple of days that’s all. And I yelled at her by accident before she left, I thought she was Richie,” Jon said.

“I get them confused all the time,” Matt teased.

“The door was shut, how was I supposed to know who it was,” Jon snapped.

“Hey, take it easy. She seemed fine to me. Are you ok,” Matt asked.

“Fine, there’s just some stuff I’ve gotta take care of,” Jon said.

“All right, I’ll be over later, you can tell me all about it,” Matt said.

“What time are you coming,” Jon asked.

“You tell me. We can just wing it depending on how long me and Des are out,” Matt offered.

“That’s fine. I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later,” Jon said hanging up the phone.

“How exactly were you planning on taking care of this,” Melissa asked coolly from the doorway.

“How long have you been standing there,” he asked.

“Long enough,” she answered.

“That was my brother by the way. I don’t know who you think it was,” he said offering her a mug of coffee.

“That still didn’t answer my question. What do you mean ‘there’s some stuff I’ve gotta take care of,’” she asked.

“Us, we’ve gotta figure something out. Actually we need to figure a lot out. I need you to talk to me,” Jon said.

“What are you insinuating,” she asked.

“Baby, I don’t want you to get defensive on me, just talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling and thinking. I know you talk to Richie about this stuff, and only because he’s as loyal as they come, he tells me nothing. I love you and I’m worried about you, and it frustrates me that you won’t come to me with your worries and problems,” he said.

“You don’t want me talking to Richie,” she asked.

“No, that’s not what I said. I just don’t know why you’ll talk to him and not to me,” Jon said.

“He’s my sounding board, and he knows you better than anyone,” she said.

“But he’s not me.”

“I know.”

“What is it then? Why do you pick him over me?”

“Because I’m afraid.”

“Afraid? Afraid of what? Me,” he asked.

“Yes. I mean no, well, kinda,” she answered.

“You’re afraid of me,” he asked in disbelief.

“This is why I didn’t say anything. Do we have to do this now,” she asked.

Jon walked over to her and held her hands. “Please talk to me.”

“Jon,” she said quietly.

“Baby, I’m one step short of begging you,” he said.

“Ok,” she said quietly.

“Will you sit,” he asked gesturing to the kitchen table.

She nodded and sat down across the table from him. She took a minute to gather her thoughts to attempt to explain herself to him. “I love you, I love you so much that it scares me. This idea of you and me scares the crap outta me.”

“Baby I know, but I’m not like everyone else,” Jon said.

“No, not like that. God this is hard. I’m not afraid of Jon, I’m afraid of the idea of you. Not the idea, more like what you represent. The whole boyfriend thing has me wanting to run for the hills, but it has nothing to do with you. I don’t know how to be around you. That’s why I’ve been going to Richie, because he’s my friend and I know how to do friends. But that’s not saying that I want anything to change with us, I just don’t know how to be. It scares me that I’ll do something wrong and I’ll lose you. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’ve been perfectly happy being independent for so long and now I don’t know how I’m supposed to be,” she said.

“Don’t think about it that much. I want to be your friend who you can talk to about anything. I want to be the one that you come to when you’re upset or scared or happy. But I also want to connect with you on a deeper level that’s more than friends. I think we have that going Melissa,” he said.

“I just don’t want to say the wrong thing,” she said.

“You will, more than once. But so will I. Its bound to happen eventually,” he said.

“I have a real hard time giving up control you know,” she said.

“I know, me too,” he answered. “I just need to know that you trust me enough to come to me with your problems and you wont shut me out.”

“I do trust you. I cant make any promises but I can try,” she said.

“That’s all I could ask for,” he said.

She pushed her chair back and walked over to the coffee pot to refill her mug. “We’re good now right,” she asked.

Jon followed her across the kitchen. “Baby, please tell me that you don’t mean that,” he said quietly.

“I was hoping,” she said refilling his mug.

“You were hoping to not to talk to me,” he asked.

“I was hoping to not to have to talk about last night. That’s what you mean, what you want to talk about,” she asked.

“We have to. Baby, if we can’t talk about this now, we’re doomed,” he said.

“I know, that’s what Richie said,” she said noticing him wince at Richie’s name. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, talk to me,” he said.

“Can we sit,” she asked.

“Yeah, of course,” he said leading her by the small of her back to the adjacent family room.

She sat on the couch and pulled her legs under her as he sat next to her. “Can I tell you something that I told Richie last night? I mean it has nothing to do with what happened, but I want you to know,” she said.

“Of course,” he said feeling a breakthrough.

“I told him that you, well us, are driving me crazy because three months ago I was a ridiculously independent woman. I was strong willed, I always had a hold on my emotions. But now it seems that I’m always a blubbering mess and I’ve become ridiculously insecure, and I’ve got you to thank for it,” she said.

“Me? What did I do,” he asked nervously.

“Nothing bad. I just fell in love, and I let you in. And evidentially because emotions are involved I have a hard time controlling them. But you did change me, you let me love again. I didn’t think I’d be able to do that. Angela says there’s something else that’s different too, something good,” she said.

“She told me the same thing,” he said.

“When?”

“Philly, after you got into it with Dorothea. But baby I love you just the way you were when I met you. I never meant to change you,” he said.

“I know, it just happens. I am so thankful that you showed me how to love,” she said.

“Thank you for telling me. That’s all I want,” he said.

“I said I can try. This is me trying,” she said.

He leaned in a kissed her softly. “Melissa, what happened last night,” he asked gently. She looked away from him, staring out the window. Shame and embarrassment clear on her face. “Hey, its just me. Tell me what happened.”

“You were there you know what happened,” she said simply.

“What happened with you? Start from the beginning, please,” he encouraged.

“Yesterday when you were out with Richie, you were drinking, a lot. I could taste it on you. He said you drank almost a whole bottle,” she said.

“If you tasted it, how come you didn’t ask me,” he asked.

“Because I thought that you were drinking because of me. That I had frustrated you, or something so much that you downed a bottle of wine, and I hated that,” she said.

“Baby, I like to drink, even the fan part of you knows that,” he said.

“Its stupid I know, but I didn’t want to be the person that made you drink,” she said.

“Its not stupid that you care about me. Next time just ask me, its not like I’ve never heard that question before. What does that have to do with last night,” he asked.

“I thought that you were mad at me or frustrated about what happened and that we hadn’t had sex yet and everything. And that I or we didn’t know when we would,” she said taking a breath.

“Melissa, I could never be mad at you for that,” he started.

“Please let me get this out. I thought you were upset and I didn’t want to lose you and I thought that if we had sex it would make everything better. I tried, I tried so hard. I wanted to let you do what you needed to do. I figured if I showed you that I was ok with it you could just, I dunno. But I couldn’t,” she said.

“Listen to me, I’m not going anywhere just because were not sleeping together. And I’m not gonna do anything that you don’t want to do. And if I just used you for sex, even though you didn’t want it, I’d be no better then the pig that raped you,” he said.

“You really mean that don’t you,” she said.

“With all my heart. And if I did something to make you think other wise I am so sorry,” he said.

“I just felt so bad that I let you start but not finish. I wanted to but I just couldn’t let you, I don’t know why,” she said.

“Because you didn’t want to. I don’t want you to worry about me or what I need or what you think I need,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be sorry. What happened this morning,” he asked.

“It was just a dream,” she said quietly.

“Melissa.”

“It was just because I went to be upset and a little stressed when I went to sleep. It was nothing really,” she said.

“If it was nothing then you can tell me,” he said.

“It was a flashback, to that night. It happens every once in a while, don’t worry about it,” she said.

“I do worry, because I love you and I hate to see you scared like you were when you woke up. Have you ever talked to anyone about,” he asked.

“What do you mean,” she asked.

“Professionally? If things like that are still happening I mean,” he said.

“No. I’ve only told a couple of people. You, Ang, Tommy, and Richie. That’s it,” she said.

“Ok, I was just asking. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea,” he offered.

“What are you trying to say,” she asked.

“Nothing, Baby, I’m just worried about you, that’s all. I want you to be happy,” he said.

“How did I get so lucky,” she asked.

“I’ve been asking myself the same thing,” he said.

“There’s something else though. I can see it in your eyes,” she said.

“I don’t want what happened last night to happen again. I want to know that you can tell me what your comfortable with,” he said.

“I don’t know, something a little less then what we did last night,” she said.

“Are you gonna tell me to stop if I tell you to do something you’re not ok with,” he asked.

“Yes, I just should’ve said it sooner last night,” she said.

“Ok, I’ve gotta trust you here as much as you trust me. And look on the bright side we get to experiment as we figure it out,” he said smiling.

“Jon, just remember I’m not a virgin, but it’s been a really long time for me. I was 19 when I broke up with Joe, so what’s that nine years? And we were just a bunch of kids fooling around,” she said.

“You think and worry way too much. When we get there, I’ll take care of you. I’ll treat you like a queen,” he said.

She smiled at him. “So where is everyone today? It’s so quiet in here,” she asked.

“Richie is out in the studio, he even left us directions not to leave the house until we talked. He should be around eventually. And Steph is over at Matt’s; she’s babysitting because they have some stuff to take care of before the baby comes. He’ll be over later to watch the game maybe for dinner. We don’t really have a plan,” Jon said.

“So we’ve got the house to ourselves for a couple hours,” she asked.

“That we do, you got something in mind,” he asked.

“Just to sit here with you and watch tv,” she said smiling grabbing the remote.

“Sounds like a perfect afternoon,” he said.

“Do you mind if I stay here tonight,” she asked.

“Of course not, why do you ask,” he said.

“We’ve got the funeral to go to tomorrow. I thought it would be nice if we went together,” she said.

“Yeah we’ll go together,” he said. I almost forgot about that. How could I forget? Has it only been two days since she came back? It seems like so much longer. And this time I’m not letting her go, no matter what, he thought. He looked over at her as she flipped through the channels on his tv. God she looks good here, she looks right at home.