Not mourn the loss? Who is he kidding? She was a child, with so much potential and so much more to give. Eleven years old; she never went to prom, never fell in love, never learned to drive a car. So much of her life she had left to live. Who am I to complain about anything? I’ve lived a good, happy life. I found love twice, I have everything I could possible want. A wonderful family. Five brothers that I know have my back through hell and high water. Four amazing kids.
God my kids, I don’t know if I could take if anything happened to them. Steph and Jesse are older then Lindsay was, how can that be? Steph, she’s my little princess, she’s got a heart of gold and she even worries about her old man on top of all that. Jesse, I know he’s a handful but he’s a really good kid. And I don’t even know if I can blame him with everything that’s gone on these past couple of years. Jake, he’s my little buddy, my mini me. It’s a little scary sometimes how much he reminds me of how I was at that age. And Meo, that kid always knows how to put a smile on my face. It was hard enough losing them to Dorothea, but losing them forever. I couldn’t even imagine.
Jon was snapped back to the church when Melissa squeezed his leg. Jon turned his attention back to the priest. “At this time the family has asked a special guest to sing a selection. Mr. Bon Jovi and Mr. Sambora,” he said moving to the side.
Jon and Richie walked to the front of the church and grabbed their guitars from the side of the stage. “Hello everyone,” Jon said putting his guitar on and adjusting the microphone. “I just wanted to thank the Connors for asking us to play, it’s a real honor for both of us. I didn’t know Lindsay very long, not nearly long enough, but while I did know her she taught me many valuable lessons that I know I’m sure I’ll be using for many years. I was honored to have her as a fan and she will surely be missed. Linds, this one’s for you,” Jon said before giving Richie a nod counting him in. They began playing in perfect synch before Jon began to sing.
I get up every morning,
Drink coffee alone.
My house it too quiet;
I'm the only one home.
I let the newspapers,
Pile up at the door.
I can't be bothered;
I don't read 'em no more.
The flowers are blooming,
That you planted last spring.
I can't make much sense out of anything.
I'd clip off his wings
And bring them to you
That would fix everything
I get in the car,
Like I do every day.
Wondering how in the world,
Did it turn out this way?
It's just 'round the corner,
Turn left and I'm there.
I'd do anything to be anywhere,
But here.
As Jon started the chorus, Melissa could see the tears that he had been holding in start to fall down his face. An eerie hush fell over the crowd as the duo gained momentum. As a true professional Jon’s voice never wavered though the outpouring of emotion was evident.
Now the parking attendant knows my first name.
These long green hallways all look the same.
There's four elevators, one goes to that floor.
I brace myself when I get to the door.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
Then sit down beside your hospital bed.
Melissa felt a single tear escape down her cheek as he sang. No, don’t do this. Not here, not yet, she told herself. It was too soon in the day to let her emotions get the better of her. Next to her Angela took her hand and gave it a squeeze. She quickly wiped her face and used a nearby tissue to dry her eye.
If I could kidnap an angel,
I'd clip off his wings.
I'd bring them to you,
That would fix everything.
If I could kidnap an angel,
He could teach us to fly.
We'd live forever, forever,
We'd never die.
If I could kidnap an angel,
If I could kidnap an angel.
He'd tear down these walls.
People laughing like children through these hospital halls.
There'd be no more tears,
There'd be no more blood,
There'd be nothing but smiles,
Nothing but love.
Melissa looked around as they brought the song to a close and saw very few dry eyes. The mourners gave them a polite applause as they made their way back to their pew. When Jon and Richie returned they sat on either side of Melissa and she gave them her own quiet praise. As Lindsay’s mother got up to speak, Jon put his arm around the back of the pew and pulled Melissa to him. She leaned into him as her mind flooded with thoughts of the past. As Jon looked over at her he could see the absent look in her eyes and just held her closer.
As the mass came to a close more tears were shed as the family left the church. Their group of friends silently made their way to Jon’s truck and got in. Only necessary words were spoken on the way to the cemetery as Angela showed Jon where to go. In the back Richie held Melissa close trying to get her to show some sign of life, though she just sat staring off in the distance. The few times Jon checked his rearview mirror he saw them cuddled together, making his temper burn. Taking the high road, remembering why they were there, he kept his thought to himself, for now.
About an hour later they pulled in front of a spacious house on the beach that the family used for summer vacations. About 75 people had beat them there and they made their way inside to offer their condolences. The snacked on some of the food that was put on display before Melissa headed outside for some air.
Jon noticed her trying to make her way to the door and stopped her. “Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I just need some air, there’s too many people in here. Go on I’m just gonna stay on the deck here,” she said.
“You sure?”
“Positive,” she said with a reassuring kiss on the cheek.
“Ok, I just want to see if I can find her parents and then I’ll be out,” he answered.
“Take your time, I could use the sea air today,” she said walking to the door.
Melissa stood on the deck overlooking the ocean. She watched the repetition of the waves crashing along the shore as she felt all the emotion she had kept inside start to flow over. She was never good with goodbyes. And death always took its toll on her. She had been to so many funerals since she began working at the hospital, and some got to her more than others. This one was the worst by far. She knew the family so well, and Lindsay was in the hospital so long it seemed like she was losing a friend, not just a patient.
As she usually did at funerals, she thought of her mom. Her mom’s was the first funeral she had been to that she could remember and it always brought emotions back to her. She remembered coming to this very beach in middle school with her mom and sister. They had fun lying out on the sand and playing in the waves. She looked down to the now deserted boardwalk. They spent some crazy afternoons playing games and going on the rides.
“Melissa,” a voice next to her said.
She turned and looked at Richie with tears in her eyes. “Hey, I didn’t hear you. I was hoping you were Jon,” she said.
“You ok, darlin’,” he asked.
“I tried really hard to be. He really got me when he sang, but I held it in. I’m still half working here; I can’t be an emotional mess. Its just being down the shore, I have a lot of memories here,” she side wiping a stray tear from her eye.
“Good memories,” he asked.
“All good. Funerals make me think of my mom, and we came here on vacation a couple of summers. Its just I thought of my mom all afternoon and how I miss her, and then I come out here and all the good stuff floods back. You know,” she said.
“Oh, yeah, I get it,” he said pulling her into a hug. “Gotta remember all the good stuff.”
“Damn it, Melissa. Are you kidding me,” Jon growled from the far end of the deck.
She pulled back from Richie to look at him as a stray tear ran down her cheek. “Jon,” she said.
“Forget it,” he said and stormed towards the sand.
“Let me go talk to him,” Richie offered.
“No, he’s mad at me. Thank you for being here,” she said.
“Anytime,” he said giving her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be right here watching you.”
“Nah, I’ll be fine. Go on back inside its getting chilly out here,” she said.
“You cold,” he asked.
“A little, I forget how much cooler it is on the beach,” she said.
“Here take my jacket,” he offered slipping it off.
“You sure,” she asked.
“Positive,” he said draping it over her shoulders. “Now go find him before he gets too far.”
Melissa nodded and left the same way Jon had. She slid off her shoes and let her toes explore the cool sand. She pulled Richie’s jacket around her as the wind picked up. When she was down on the beach she saw him about 100 feet down the sand looking out into the horizon. She walked over towards him and put her arm on his elbow. “Jon,” she said quietly.
“What are we doing Melissa,” he asked not breaking his gaze with the ocean.
“Jon, what are you talking about,” she asked.
“You left me, Melissa. For almost a month, you hurt me so bad. And, god, Melissa, you never seem to talk to me unless you talk to Richie first. I don’t know any other way to ask you to let me in. I don’t even know who you really love here, him or me,” he said harshly.
“How can you say that,” she asked feeling the tears spring back to her eyes.
He turned from the ocean and looked at her and gave a frustrated chuckle when he saw her in Richie’s coat. “There ya go, that says it all,” he said.
“What? The coat? I was talking to him outside and I was cold, he offered it,” she said defensively.
“How many times did I get you to try to talk to me about this? I knew this was hard for you and I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to be the one to comfort you. But I pay my respects to the family for no more then 20 minutes and you’re wrapped in his arms pouring your heart out to him,” he yelled.
“I wanted that to be you, when I saw him I wanted so bad to see your blue eyes. I had to hold myself together during the funeral, if I started to talk about it I know I would’ve lost it. Being here, the shore, it just put me over the edge,” she said backing away from him a little.
“We were here an hour before I left you. How hard would it have been for you to take me aside and talk to me? I could see that you were hurting, and it was driving me crazy that you just pushed me away,” he said his temper flaring. She took a few steps back from him. “No! Don’t you walk away from me,” he said firmly taking a step closer to her.
“Jon, you’re scaring me,” she said seeing the anger in his once soft eyes.
“Why, Melissa? Do you think that I’m gonna hurt you,” he asked.
“I, I,” she said unable to answer.
“Damn it, Mel,” he said grabbing her arms and holding her tight. “Don’t you see? I love you stupid, but you’re still not trusting me. What do I have to do Melissa? Tell me and I’ll try it. Unless you don’t want to be here at all.”
“I do, I want to be with you,” she said.
“Show me. You’re holding something back; I’m trying so hard here. I’m not gonna hurt you, not like that. Maybe this will show you. We’re gonna fight, its gonna happen. But I’m gonna use my words, not my hands,” he said loosening his grip on her.
Silent tears slid down her face and she locked her eyes with his. She pulled her arms back from him and slid the jacket off her shoulders throwing it on the sand. “I love you. You are the first person that I thought of every morning I was gone and those eyes were the last things that haunted me before I went to sleep. I never for a second stop loving you. I want you, I don’t want Richie, and I never will. Not that way. If me taking off his coat will show you that, then that’s what I’ll do. You’re right part of me was still subconsciously afraid. I’m sorry.”
Jon let out his breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Come here, baby,” he said pulling her close to him.
“No,” she said holding strong in the sand.
“No?”
“Let me tell you what I wanted to tell you on the patio. When I go to funerals for work, I have to remain in work mode. I have to be in control of my emotions and professional. That’s why I didn’t want to talk about it; I had to keep my emotions in check. But funerals always get to me, I always think of my mom. Funerals are hard, really hard. It’s the shore that got me. I came here in middle school with my mom, and with today. Memories are just flooding in. I wanted you to be there for me.”
“I’m right here,” he said holding her close to him, finally feeling some sort of a breakthrough.
2 comments:
Wow - I love it, I love that he finally called her out. I'd like to see him tell her more about how her little things hurt him, how he feels when she runs to Richie, how it makes him feel when his girlfriends mind is a stranger to him, maybe how alone he feels, secluded because of who he is you know the stardom thing - and then he comes home expecting to have a girlfriend to connect to and she withholds that from him - its gotta hurt bad.
More please???
Perfect song choice!
Jon, about time! You finally confronted Mel. I was wondering too, why she always runs to Richie... I understand that he is a safe sounding board... but if she wants to have a healthy relationship with Jon, she needs to learn to trust him. Time for Mel to take some forward steps...
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