Chapter 46

Jon called Melissa at least a dozen times the rest of the afternoon to either no answer or an angry Angela. The last time he spoke to Angela she told him to stop calling and give them a little bit of space. After that she stopped answering his calls too. All he wanted to do was make sure she was all right, why was that such a difficult request? With no one to talk to, he replayed the morning over and over in his head. What the hell did I do to make her leave? Was it that I told her I loved her? Why won’t she let me love her? Why doesn’t she trust me? He was grateful that Steph came home late and headed straight to bed, the last thing he needed was to pretend that everything was ok when it wasn’t.

Melissa spent the rest of the afternoon at Angela’s, where she spent most of the time crying. It would be an understatement saying that things were moving too quick for her liking. Hell she never thought things would be moving at all, so any sort of speed was out of her comfort zone. The afternoon was a blur of pain, both physical and emotional, for her. She consistently ignored his calls and his texts, slept on and off, and let her mind run through everything that they had done. What they had done together, how she missed him when they were apart. Part of her wanted to go to him; he had a way of making her feel better. The other part was too scared to face him again. She fell asleep that night not knowing what the future held for them or for her.

Jon didn’t let up his pursuit on Monday, calling another dozen times to no response. It was taking all of his will power not to get in his car and drive to see her. To make her make him understand what was going on. Wednesday, I can wait till then to see her, he thought. Angela eventually returned his call to let her know that she was feeling a little better, but wouldn’t tell him how she was really doing. It was almost worse than knowing nothing.

Melissa took a sick day on Monday, citing her injury as her reason rather than admitting to her heartbreak. She stayed at Angela’s and Tommy stayed home with her when Angela went to work. Melissa didn’t have much to say; she didn’t know what to say. What was there to say anyway? She couldn’t face him; she would only hurt him in the end or the other way around. She had nothing to offer him, and he couldn’t love her.

Tuesday had followed a similar routine. Jon continued to flood Melissa with calls and texts and she continued to ignore them. She went home that morning much to her cats’ relief but opted to allow herself another day to wallow. Her boss had told her to take as much time as she needed, but she knew getting back to work, to some sort of a routine, would help her. I’ll go back tomorrow, she told herself. That afternoon Richie called her and though she was hesitant to answer, she did. He did her a huge favor and she trusted him not to play with her mind and let Jon use his phone or so she hoped.

“Richie, this better be you,” she answered.

“It is, don’t worry. I wanted to see how you were,” he said.

“I’m fine enough,” she answered.

“I don’t really believe that, which is why I’m on my way to see you. If you don’t want me there just tell me, but as a friend I’m worried about you. I promise there’s no middle man work here,” he said.

“That actually sounds good. Where are you,” she asked.

“The parking lot. I didn’t think you’d answer the buzzer,” Richie said.

“You guessed right, lemme buzz you in,” she said walking to the door.

Richie came right up and was relieved to see that she look better, physically anyway. “Hey, darlin’, how are you doin’? For real,” he said pulling her into a hug.

She melted into him and a fresh stream of tears started. “I’m a mess, Rich. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, or what to do next,” she said between sobs.

“Shh, come on, let’s sit down,” he said shutting the door behind him and leading her over to the couch. “Have you talked to him?”

She shook her head no, “I can’t, I wouldn’t know what to say.”

“You could start with the truth,” he offered.

“I can’t, I don’t think I can be with him. He can’t love me,” she said through her tears.

“You should let him be the judge of that. Don’t you trust him,” he asked and she nodded. “Then why can’t you trust that he loves you?”

“Because he needs some one who can give him more than what I can give him. I was selfish to get involved with him to begin with. I never thought he would love me, I can’t let him.”

“He’s not like everyone else, Mel, he’s not gonna hurt you,” Richie said.

“You can’t promise me that,” she said looking deep into his eyes.

“But don’t you love him? I could see it the way you two were together,” he asked.

“It doesn’t matter if I do or not. I have to let him go,” she said wiping away what she hoped was the last of her tears.

“It does matter if you love each other. What you’re doing is stupid, and you’re gonna thank me later. You have to go to him and tell him how you feel,” Richie said.

“I can’t do it,” she said feeling a fresh wave of emotion flooding over her.

Richie pulled her close to his chest to comfort her. “What does this mean, Melissa? Are you quitting on the two of you? Are you over and done?”

“I don’t know,” she said letting the fresh batch of tears stream down her face. “I’m not really sure of anything.”

Richie stayed with her a few hours and let her cry. She dozed on and off as her phone rang a couple times. It was Jon, again, and he let it go to voicemail. What part of give her space didn’t he get, he thought as he ignored the call. Jon still hadn’t called him or reached out at all to see where he had ended up. He had taken Jon’s suggestion, if you will, and stayed at Dave’s a couple of days hoping Jon would come to his senses. He told Dave that he and Jon were having “creative differences” and the tension was getting to him. The truth was Jon’s to tell not him, and Dave had been in the studio with Jon. It wasn’t a far stretch that Richie would need an out. Angela eventually came to check on Melissa after work relieving Richie of his impromptu ‘shift’.

Wednesday morning Melissa dressed, thankful for Casual Wednesdays. She threw on a pair of old jeans that were probably more comfortable than most of her sweatpants and opted for a Pink University tee shirt, anything that didn’t remind her of Jon, before donning her sling. Angela came by around 8:30 to drive her to work and they kept the conversation to a minimal. Melissa still wasn’t up to talking, and Angela knew her well enough not to push.

When they arrived, Melissa headed straight to her office and lost herself in paperwork. When she got up for a coffee break around 11 she told Gina that Jon wouldn’t be coming in today and to see if she could make some arrangements to fill the void. Gina didn’t ask any questions but Melissa was sure she had a laundry list ready in her head. Melissa continued with the monotony that was invoices and records until her phone rang a little after noon. When she checked the number she saw it was Gina and answered it.

“Hey, Gina,” she said.

“I don’t know what Jon told you, but he just got here and he’s looking mighty fine if you don’t mind me saying so,” Gina said happily.

“What do you mean he’s here,” Melissa asked.

“He just came up the elevators and headed off towards the nurses station, like he does every week. I thought you’d like to know he was here,” Gina said.

“Tell him I’m in a closed door meeting and you can’t get in touch with me, if he asks. I’ll be in meetings the whole afternoon. Do me a favor and call me on my cell when he leaves. And Gina call me back as soon as he goes into one of the patient rooms, please,” Melissa said.

“Melissa, is everything ok,” Gina asked.

“Fine, just please could you do that for me,” Melissa asked.

“Of course,” Gina said.

“Thanks,” Melissa said before hanging up.

What is he doing here? I mean its great for the kids, and it’s great of him not to abandon them, but why? Is he here to see me? What am I gonna say to him? Her thoughts were interrupted when her office phone rang again.

“Melissa, he just went down the west corridor,” Gina said.

“Thanks,” Melissa said gathering a couple of things and headed out of her office. On her way to the stairs she passed by Gina’s office. “Remember, I’m in closed door meetings. Tell Angela she can call me on my cell if she needs me.”

With a confused nod from her assistant, Melissa navigated her way through the corridors and down a few flights of stairs before she found herself in the ER. She had promised she’s come back to see everyone and now seemed like just a good time as any right? Though she did spend a couple days a week consulting in other departments, she was rarely needed in the ER, but evidentially she was missed from the time she spent there.

Alex was happy to see her, and even insisted on checking her out again. Melissa agreed because this had to be better than the alternative. She checked out fine and was told she was “healing nicely.” She stayed a couple of hours, going from one room to another in the pediatric ER, before she got a phone call giving her the all clear. She went back up to her office and reimmersed herself in her paperwork before Angela came to get her around 5:45 to take her home.

Jon woke Wednesday morning excited that it was finally Wednesday; he could finally see her. Talk to her, touch her. When he got to the hospital he headed for the nurses station and then the patient rooms like he always did, hoping to see her out and about. He didn’t find her and he noticed that Angela was avoiding him even giving him the cold shoulder when he tried to talk to her. He went down to her office before he left and her assistant told him that she was in closed-door meetings all afternoon and she couldn’t be bothered. She also informed him that all volunteers need to give 48 hours notice prior to their arrival to ensure that they are not overbooked. Perfect another way that she can keep tabs on me to avoid me. If I could just talk to her, he thought.

He left the duffle with all of the stuff that she left at his house with Gina before he left. He considered hanging out in the lobby until she left, but thought that that may be a little bit of overkill. Dejected he headed back home to his empty house. He picked Steph up from Dot’s like he always did and gave vague answers to her questions about his dinner. They weren’t over, so there was no need to tell her anything. It was just a misunderstanding; maybe a little space couldn’t hurt.

Jon abided by her wishes and gave notice as to when he would be coming to the hospital and she in return made sure that that was the day she worked from home. She had not returned any of his calls and after two weeks he stopped calling her. Neither knew what it meant, were they officially broken up?

Jon had called Richie after a week or so to get some work done. The atmosphere in the studio was noticeably tense but everyone involved knew it was better not to ask. Richie hadn’t brought Melissa up, keeping a strictly professional demeanor. It was starting to eat at Jon, not being able to vent to his friends and family, but then he would have to admit that he was wrong and that there wasn’t any more Jon and Melissa. He couldn’t bring himself to do that, not yet.

Jon still held out hope, he didn’t want to admit that they were done. He put on a nice act for everyone around him. Some people he told that they were both busy that’s why he hadn’t seen her, others he just lied to and he made up a date that they allegedly went on. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Steph that things may be over with Melissa, not after he had brought her into their lives. He felt he owed it to his daughter if no one else to give it one more fighting chance, he just didn’t know what to do with that chance. How he was planning to win her back. It had been almost three weeks since they had spoken to each other, did that qualify as being over?

***

The leaves had started to change and it was the week before Halloween when Richie packed up his guitars a little slower than usual after a recording session hoping the rest of the guys would leave him and Jon to talk.

When they had all left Richie turned to Jon, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“If you have to,” was Jon’s cold response.

“I’m worried about you, I haven’t seen you this messed up in a long time. I know you haven’t talked to her since that morning, maybe you should start thinking about moving forward, one way or another,” Richie said gently.

“How do you know I haven’t talked to her,” Jon asked sharply.

“I do have friends on the other side of this mess. You weren’t talking to me but they were. I know this hasn’t been easy, but I think maybe you should start getting over this thing or go talk to her and make her listen,” Richie said.

Jon’s eyes were cold and harsh as he listened. “You’re taking their word for things. Doesn’t it matter what I think or how I feel?”

“I tried to get you through this and you kicked me out, remember?”

“That’s because you’re keeping something from me, that I’m sure is the key to what’s going on,” Jon said.

“That’s not what this is about right now. I’m worried about you, you haven’t even told anyone else that you’re not speaking to each other have you,” Richie asked.

“No,” Jon answered quietly.

“Look, you can’t hide what’s going on forever. You’ve gotta make a decision and then be honest with the people in your life. We’ve all go your back,” Richie said.

“You just wont tell me the fucking truth,” Jon snarled.

“I’m trying to help you here, and you’re not helping anything by talking in circles. Look we all have our pasts, and some of us are fortunate to have lived and learned from them. Other people aren’t so fortunate. She needs to tell you what happened and why she did what she did, not me. I could tell you but that’s something that you need to work through together. I understand that you’re pissed but trust me please.” Richie said.

“I’ll see you Friday. John Shanks said he’d be here around two to do some guitar work with us,” Jon said standing.

“I’ll see you then,” Richie said taking the not so subtle hint and headed for his truck.

***

That Friday came just as lonely and miserable as the last 26 days had been for Melissa. The next week brought Halloween, and the hospital always made sure to throw a big party for all of the pediatric patients. That had been something to distract herself but Jon was never too far from her mind. She spent the day in meetings with venders, running errands and making phone calls from home. Everything was coming together nicely, and she was sure it was going to outdo the previous three parties she had overseen. She had a car full of candy and other goodies for the party and even though it was almost 7 o’clock she decided to drop them off in her office while she was in the neighborhood.

She first checked her reliable planner and saw that Jon had been by yesterday so she would be in the clear. It wasn’t so much not knowing what to say to him, but the embarrassment that she had developed over time, and the thought and fear that he had already moved on to someone else. This was Jon Bon Jovi; he could have any woman he wanted, what would make him hold out his long for her.

When she arrived she grabbed as much as she could and made her way clumsily to the fourth floor. She shouted a quick hello to Gina as she passed and barely made it to her office before things started falling from her arms. She looked around and saw hundreds of Halloween decorations, stickers, and candies. You name it, it was probably there. This party is gonna be the best one so far. For sure, she thought and turned when she heard a knock on her open door. She turned and was surprised to see Gina standing there.

“Come on in, you know you don’t have to knock if its open,” Melissa said smiling at the decorations around her.

“Hey, Melissa. Are you gonna be in here for a couple minutes,” Gina asked.

“I can be, why,” Melissa asked.

“Because I know Angela needed to talk to you,” Gina answered.

Melissa checked her cell and saw no missed calls. “She didn’t call me is everything ok?”

“Just stay here for a minute and let me get her,” Gina asked.

“Fine I’ll be here,” Melissa answered as she began separating bags candy and labeling them for different floors.

“Melissa,” a voice asked from behind.

“Hey, Ang, come on in I was just trying to organize,” Melissa said smiling.

“Mel, why don’t you sit down a minute,” Angela said sitting in one of the chairs.

Melissa sat next to her. “What’s wrong, why do you look so serious?”

“I was gonna tell you when I got home tonight, but since you’re here I think you should hear it from me,” Angela said, her tone somber.

“Ang, you’re starting to scare me, what’s going on,” Melissa said.

“It’s Lindsay,” Angela said softly.

“What happened? Did she have another set back? I know she’s had a rough couple of weeks,” Melissa asked.

“Sweetie, she died last night,” Angela said.

“What? What happened? She was so young,” Melissa asked in disbelief.

“They’re not quite sure, they’re doing an autopsy to find out. I’m so sorry, I know you had a special place for her,” Angela said.

“Why didn’t you call me,” Melissa asked.

“That’s not something you tell someone over the phone, and you weren’t supposed to be in today,” Angela said.

“What about the other kids,” Melissa asked.

“Some people from psych were down to talk with them,” Angela answered.

“It should’ve been me, someone they know,” Melissa said.

“You were too close to her to be doing that stuff. You know that Mel,” Angela said.

“Her family, how are they,” Melissa asked.

“They’re in shock. They went home around noon to tell the sister,” Angela said.

“I should call them tomorrow, see if there’s anything I can do. How did it happen,” Melissa asked as she felt a tear run down her cheek.

“You don’t want to know this stuff, Melis, its not gonna help anyone,” Angela said softly. Melissa stood from where she was sitting and grabbed her purse from the desk. “Where are you going?”

“To do something I should’ve done weeks ago,” Melissa said before leaving the office.

She moved robotically through the halls and back to her car. She sat there a minute composing herself enough to drive before she pulled out of the parking lot. She merged onto the highway without fully realizing what she was doing and headed south. There was only one place she wanted to be right now, only one person she wanted to be with.