Chapter 48

Melissa woke slowly the next morning each of her sense coming to one at a time, reminding her of her surroundings. She first heard the soft snoring of a man, then the overwhelming smell, his smell, that she had yet to put her finger on, she felt his legs intertwined with hers, and finally when she opened her eyes she saw him sleeping peacefully next to her. She had to suppress her laughter as her eyes adjusted and she saw his hair sticking up and a little bit of drool forming in the corner of his mouth. So he snores and he drools in his sleep. Good to know he really isn’t perfect, she thought enjoying the sight of him in all his mortality. Seeing him laying next to her as just a man, without all the hype that comes with him.

She watched him for a couple of minutes before she leaned over and kissed him softly. Jon opened his eyes slowly and looked at her. “Morning sleepyhead,” she said smiling.

“I was beginning to think yesterday was all a dream,” Jon said.

“Nope, I’m right here,” she said.

“Good, I think that’s where I’m gonna keep you. What time is it,” he asked.

“I dunno, I just woke up and I didn’t see a clock,” she said.

Jon rolled over and saw it was a little after 10 o’clock. “It’s late, I can’t remember the last time I got almost 12 hours sleep,” he said.

“Is it 10 already,” she asked.

“A little after, why? Do you have somewhere to go,” he asked.

“Nope, I just didn’t think we’d sleep this late,” she said.

“Me either. Come on, lets get up, get some food,” he said sitting up. Melissa looked at him and smiled, biting her bottom lip to hold in her laugher. “What’s so funny?”

“You. The hair. It’s a great look for you,” she said trying to fix his hair a little.

“Well, usually the only person who sees me in the morning is my daughter, and she’s seen far worse,” he said trying to pat down his hair.

“So I’ve heard,” she teased. “Leave it, its not that bad. I’ve just never seen you like this.”

“Like what, a groggy mess,” he asked.

“No, just as a man. When I see you, you’re usually all made up. Not made up, but put together. Its nice to see you just like a normal person,” she said.

“What do you mean,” he asked.

“Its not a bad thing, don’t take it that way. Just usually when I see you its planned so you’re all dressed and your hair’s brushed, and you look perfectly sexy. It’s a nice reminder that you wake up looking like that just like the rest of us,” she said giving him a gentle kiss.

“Thanks I think,” he said after he pulled away.

“Your welcome,” she said.

“Give me two minutes, and then I’ll see what’s left for breakfast. Unless did you want to go down and get a head start,” he offered.

“If I can find it, that’s where I’ll be,” she said leaving the bedroom and walking in what she thought should be the general direction of the kitchen.

To her delight she found it and began looking in the cabinets for breakfast food. After what seemed like the 100^th cabinet she pulled a box of Lucky Charms from a shelf. Lucky Charms? Seriously, she thought as she set out in search of a bowl.

When Jon came down the stairs he saw Melissa sitting at the counter eating out of a bowl with her back to him. “What did you find,” he asked.

She turned with a smirk, “Lucky Charms, Jon, really?”

“They’re magically delicious, and there’s marshmallows,” he said smiling.

“You are too much,” she said taking another bite.

“Don’t you want some real breakfast,” he asked.

“Nah, I usually just grab whatever I can eat while driving during the week. On the weekends I get a luxurious bowl of cereal,” she said.

“Did you start the coffee,” he asked.

“I didn’t know where everything was, so I give that honor to you. Can I pour you a bowl,” she asked holding the cereal box.

“Go ahead,” he said starting a pot of coffee and grabbing two mugs. After letting half a pot brew he poured two mugs full before letting the rest of the pot fill and sat next to Melissa.

“Your breakfast,” she said sliding the bowl over to him.

“Your coffee,” he said handing her a mug.

“You win,” she said taking a sip.

“I know,” he teased.

“Is it too early to talk serious,” she asked.

“Nope, but just lemme call Steph first and see when we can expect her to grace us with her presence,” he said with a mouth full of cereal.

“Didn’t anyone tell you not to talk with your mouth open,” she said.

He gave her a fake glare before he grabbed a nearby phone and dialed Steph’s number.

“Hey, Dad, what’s up,” she answered.

“I was just checking in to see what you decided to do today,” Jon said enjoying his breakfast.

“I think we’re heading to the movies,” she said.

“Who’s going,” he asked.

“I really don’t know yet. The game’s not over until two-ish,” she answered.

“And what are you doing until then?”

“Michelle’s mom is driving us to the mall, and then were going to the theater at the mall,” she answered.

“What movie are you seeing?”

“Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist,” she answered.

“And what’s that rated?”

“PG-13, but that’s ok because I’m 15 remember,” she answered.

“That’s fine, Steph. Just remember I trust you, so don’t do anything stupid,” he said.

“You mean nothing that you wouldn’t do, right,” she teased.

“No I said don’t do anything stupid, there’s a big difference,” he said laughing.

“Sure there is,” she replied happily.

“I’m not gonna tell you to check in, but if you want to, I won’t complain,” he said.

“Ok, Dad.”

“Call me when you need a ride home.”

“I will.”

“And Steph, I love you,” Jon said genuinely.

“I know, I love you too, Dad,” she said before hanging up.

“Ok, now I’m all yours,” Jon said looking at Melissa.

“Perfect,” she said taking the last bite from her bowl.

“Hey, if you’re done we can move into the family room, its more comfortable then these stools,” Jon offered drinking that last of his milk from the bowl.

“That sounds good,” she said taking their bowls to the sink.

“You don’t have to do that you know,” he said refilling their mugs.

“Old habits die hard, I guess. Lead the way,” she said taking her mug from him.

Jon led her down the hallway to the family room and sat down on one of the couches. She sat down next to him and leaned back against his chest. “This feels nice,” she said quietly.

“It does. I really missed being with you,” he said.

“I missed you too,” she said. “I guess its time I start explaining huh?”

“I’m not gonna make you, I hope you know that I wouldn’t do that, but it would be nice,” he said gently.

“No, of course I will. I’m just not sure where to start. First I should apologize for not only how I barged into the studio, but also how I told you about Lindsay. I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. My brain was just in overdrive and I guess the filter between my brain and my mouth was malfunctioning.”

“Babe, I understand, and honestly I couldn’t even let my brain think too much about it because I just wanted to make sure that you were ok,” he said putting his empty mug on the end table and wrapped his arms around her stomach.

“It’s something that, to us, comes with the job. I’m sure that sounds horrible, but I should know better,” she said.

“I mean it was a shock, I just saw her the afternoon before. I’ll tell you it makes me savor each moment I’ve got with my kids now. Hug them a little tighter, tell them I love them one more time,” he said.

“I know that feeling,” she said sipping her coffee.

“Did you happen to talk to her family before you came here yesterday,” he asked.

“No, Angela told me and the next thing I knew I was in your driveway. I’m gonna call them this afternoon, see if there’s anything I can do and see when the funeral is,” she said quietly.

“I was gonna do the same thing,” he said kissing her cheek.

“It’ll mean a lot to them that you’re there. Her parents used to talk about you all the time when you weren’t there,” she said.

“Really,” he asked in disbelief.

“Oh yeah, you don’t realize the affect that you have on people do you,” she asked.

“That depends, Jon or Jon Bon Jovi?”

“Well both I guess. But I meant that you do good work at the hospital, you really impact their lives,” she said.

“I didn’t know that, I just thought I was doing some good but nothing impactful,” he said.

“You’ve got a lot to learn then,” she said smiling.

“I guess that’s why you’ve gotta stick around, to teach me these things,” he said.

She laughed as she leaned forward to put her now empty mug on the table. Seeing her shirt rise just a bit in the back he caught a glimpse of what he assumed was her last tattoo. “Is this your last tattoo,” he asked touching the spot on her back where he saw a flash of red.

“Yeah its back there, you wanna see,” she asked.

“May I,” he asked holding the bottom of the shirt.

“I, I trust you,” she said leaning forward a little so he could see.

He lifted up the bottom of the shirt just enough to see a small bunch of red roses with a single petal fallen below the others. In the fallen petal the name “Emily Hope” was written with a date beside it. “What is it babe? I mean I know what it is, but what does it mean,” he asked.

“Promise you’re not laughing,” she asked.

“Promise,” he said.

“Before It’s My Life was my song, my favorite was always Bed of Roses, and its still one of my favorites, so when I turned 18 my mom took me and we both got rose tattoos,” she said.

“So you’re saying without me, you’d be tattooless?”

“I don’t know about that, but I do know that I wouldn’t have these tattoos,” she said.

“And Emily Hope,” he asked.

“That was my mom’s name, I got that petal and her name put on right after the last show you did at the Stadium the year she died. So that one was my first and the last one I’ve gotten,” she said.

“That’s sweet,” Jon said putting her shirt back down.

“Thanks,” she said turning to look at him. “Now as I get all serious on you again, I just had a flash of brilliance. A quote from a very smart man.”

“Oh really, what did he say? Should I be jealous,” he asked.

“Well there’s this line that I know, and I think subconsciously that’s what I was thinking yesterday when I was driving down here,” she said.

“Ok, lemme hear it,” he said smiling.

“Well when I think about me and you I think ‘about all the things that I long to believe, about love and the truth and what you mean to me. And the truth is, baby you're all that I need’.”

“Sorry run that past me again, but I think I’m flattered,” he said.

“Its just that for so long I’ve wanted to believe in love and admit to myself how much you mean to me and that you’re all that I need. But see, you’re tricky cuz you add that bit about the truth in there, and for everything to work you need all those parts together,” she said.

“So what you’re telling me is I’m a creative genius,” he said smiling.

“Don’t flatter yourself just yet,” she said.

“Sorry, go on, you were saying,” he said.

“Thank you. All that rambling aside, you need to know that I have some issues,” she started.

“Issues?”

“It sounds a little drastic when you say it like that. I mean, I’ve got trust issues, and I have some issues with men. Well I guess a lot of issues with them. Which is why this whole thing with us has been so hard for me. I think that came out wrong too,” she said starting to feel herself become flustered.

“Its ok,” he said holding her hands. “Don’t worry about how it sounds, just let it go. Take your time.”

She smiled at him, “Ok lemme see if I can try this again. I don’t trust a lot of people, its just how I’ve been for a long time. And other than Tommy, I’ve never had a relationship with any man that ended well. In fact every man that’s told me he loved me ended in disaster, leaving me broken, one way or another. That’s why this is so hard for me to trust you. In my heart I want to but my head is driving me crazy. I want to trust you I really do, I’m trying my hardest here to let go.”

“You know I would never try to hurt you, right,” he asked.

“Its one of those things that I really want to believe but its just so hard for me to do. It’s one of those stupid things where I say ‘its not you, its me’,” she said softly.

“As long as part of you knows that. Will you tell me why,” he asked softly.

“Why?”

“Or what happened, I guess,” he said.

“Yeah, I’m trying to get there. Richie never told you any of this,” she asked.

“No, and that’s why he’s been at Dave’s for a couple weeks. All he said was that it was your story to tell me not his and it wouldn’t mean as much coming from him. And he only told me that this week,” Jon said.

“I still feel horrible that you kicked him out. But anyway let me see if I can get this out. I don’t remember exactly what I told you that morning on the beach so I apologize if you’ve heard all this before. My dad left when I was little, I don’t remember him at all. Just from what people tell me and old pictures. He was a drunk and he would hit my mom, so that’s relationship with a man number one. Complete disaster. I need you to look me in the eye and swear to me that you never laid a hand on Dorothea.”

“God no, we used to fight, hell we still do, but I never hit her and I never would. Even though I can’t count the number of times she’s hit me,” he said.

“I didn’t think you would, I just had to hear the words, for my own peace of mind.”

“Look at me, I wouldn’t even think about laying a hand on you. I’m not that kinda man,” he said as his eyes met hers.

She tried to smile as she collected her thoughts. “Ready for more of this,” she asked and he nodded encouragingly. “So the second relationship that I had with a man, if you could call him that, was Joe. He was my high school sweetheart. I knew him forever, I don’t even know how long, but we started dating sophomore year. I think that’s when it was. I really thought I loved him. We said the words; we did everything we thought we were supposed to do. I thought he was it. We went to NYU to be together, I was so naive I thought we would get married one day. After I think it was close to 4 years we broke up. Turned out he was cheating on me with some tramp that we went to high school with. I was absolutely devastated. It was like my entire world, as I understood it, just got flipped upside down. But you know in hindsight, what I felt for him is nothing compared to what I feel for you. I think I loved the idea of love and so desperately wanted to feel that.

“After that, I was in such a low place. I was emotional and vulnerable and I was looking for someone to fill the void that Joey left in my life. I felt like I wasn’t worth anyone wanting to be faithful to me, so I latched on to basically the first guy that I came across. That may have been the worst mistake of my life. His name was B-, Ben. I knew him through Joey they had had a couple classes together, even thought Ben was older than us, and we had hung out a couple times. After Joey and me broke up he came over to see how I was and then within a week we were dating, kinda. We did dinner, and movies, and hung out at the library together. That was the fall of my sophomore year. It was like we were always together, and we had known each other longer than we really had. I wanted myself to love him, so I convinced myself that I did. And I told him that I did, and he said anything he needed to, to keep me around. He treated me so good in the beginning. He was the perfect gentleman, he held doors for me, and paid for dinner. It was after winter break that things started to change,” she said as her voice trailed off.

She let go of his hands and walked over to the window. She looked out over the river trying to control her emotions. Jon walked behind her and put his arms around her. “What happened? You can tell me,” he whispered in her ear.

Melissa felt the tears start to flow, “Jonny, I don’t think I can.”

“Why not?”

She turned around to look at him. “Because I know what you’ll think of me, and I can’t let you see me like that.”

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”

“I don’t know how it started really. I know I was 19; he was a couple of years older than me, at least 21. He started to drink, a lot; I know his grades started slipping because of it. It was like something inside him changed but it must’ve been there all along and I was too stupid to see it. The beginning of the semester he got an apartment with another guy, I spent a lot of time there. Every once in a while when he would drink we would start fighting and he would, he would, he.”

“Baby, did he hit you,” Jon asked in disbelief. She nodded unable to bring herself to say the words and he felt his temper start to boil at the thought.

“At first I convinced myself that it was my fault. I said something or did something I shouldn’t have, I was bound to get slapped across the face. He loved me right, so I deserved it? It got worse over time; me and Angela even started fighting over it. He even put me in the hospital once. I don’t even remember what story I told but they bought it, I never thought to press charges. I was so stupid. I should’ve left when I had the chance.”

“What made you decide to finally leave,” he asked softly.

“It was the spring, school was almost out. We never had sex, I don’t know why but it never went that far. I think it was a psychological relationship that we had. I was overly dependent on him and he was manipulative and controlling. One night we were in the library late studying, or I was studying and he was copying someone’s paper. We got into a fight I was taking too long to finish and I was sharing my notes with some guy in my class. When we got back to the apartment he was different, it was like he was calm. He got a bottle of something, Vodka I think, and he started drinking. He sat me on the couch next to him and he told me he was sorry for everything. Like he always did. It was like something inside of him snapped, he kissed me. I remember he was gentle when he laid me back on the couch. But he wouldn’t stop, no matter what I did. I tried to fight, I swear I did, but he was so much bigger than me and he had broken me down mentally for so long.”

She stopped to wipe away her tears and when she continued her voice was just above a whisper. “He raped me, he destroyed me. That was the wake up call that I needed, to get out. I went back to Angela, I can only imagine what kind of shape I was in. She took care of me; I couldn’t leave the dorm for a couple of days.”

“Did you ever go to the police,” he asked softly.

“It never even crossed my mind. I never told a soul besides Tommy and Angela until now. I felt like it was all my fault, and I was embarrassed and scared. I just wanted it to be over, to forget. Pretend it never happened maybe. I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. I had nightmares, and flashbacks, and I couldn’t let myself be around men alone. I went through phases where I could sleep and then I couldn’t get out of bed. I was hypersensitive to touch and I couldn’t be in crowds or tight spaces. You don’t want to know about all that, but it got really bad before it got better. It took almost a year before I could function normally again. That’s when It’s My Life happened. It was kinda telling me to take control back in my life again.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Did you tell Richie all this?”

“I did. I wanted to tell you, I planned to tell you in Philly, but I was scared because I didn’t know what we were. I was pouring everything on him and I was probably a little drunk and it all came out,” she said.

“That makes sense now,” he said.

“What does?”

“He told me not to tell you that I loved you. He told me to wait and keep things going slow,” he answered.

“He’s been such a good friend to me. I never thought I could have a man be a friend to me like he’s been,” she said wiping her tears away.

Jon looked at the broken woman in front of him, just as beautiful as she’d always been. But he felt more drawn to her, more connected somehow. “Can I,” he asked opening his arms to hug her.

“You don’t have to ask me that Jon, don’t treat me any differently,” she said.

“I’m sorry,” he said pulling her into a hug. “I am so sorry for everything that’s happened to you, but that’s not me. I would never hurt you like that.”

She pulled back from him a little to look at him, unable to put her thoughts into words. “Are you ok, do you wanna sit back down,” he asked her.

“Ok,” she said and followed him back to the couch.

“Can I ask what you thought I would think,” Jon asked.

“That I was weak, and stupid. For staying, for not having enough respect for myself to leave. For putting myself in that situation at all. That I’m broken and a mess, and that I can’t give you what you need. I can’t be what you need. I can’t hide that anymore,” she said looking into his eyes.

“That isn’t what I think of you at all. I see a resilient woman that has been through a living hell, but she’s grown from it. You wouldn’t be the woman that I love if anything was different. What you’ve been through makes you who you are,” he said trying to make her understand.

“But now you know, and I can’t be what you need,” she said quietly.

“Baby is that what this is all about? Sex? That’s not why I’m with you just for sex. I want to be with you, cuddle with you on the couch, and hold you hand when we’re out together. The rest will come in time. If I knew I never would’ve come onto you like that the night I took you home from the hospital,” he said trying to reassure her.

“But that’s just it Jon. You want sex and I can’t give that to you. You deserve a woman who can give you that, a complete woman.”

“No what I want is you, regardless of whether or not we’re having sex. God, Melissa, half of the connection of good sex is on an emotional level, being intimate with one another. I’ll tell you just sleeping in the same bed last night was the closest I’ve felt to a woman in I don’t even know how long. I need you to trust me on this,” he said.

“I’m terrified Jon, I really am,” she said.

“Talk to me. Are you afraid of me?”

“No.”

“Do you think that I would ever hurt you physically?”

“No.”

“Have I ever given the impression that I don’t take your needs and feelings into account?”

“No.”

“Have you ever felt that I forced you to do something you weren’t comfortable with?”

“Of course not.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you believe that I love you?”

“Yes.”

“Then will you please, let me love you?”

“Yes.”